Why Setting Goals In 2021 Is The Definition Of Insanity
And what you should be doing instead.
We’re a week into the new year and I have a confession to make:
I have no goals for this year.
Zilch. Zero. Not One. And you won’t see me in your next goal setting workshop to make up for it either.
In the past, I have always dedicated a page of my journal to write down what I plan to achieve in the year ahead. (I remain a firm believer that writing down your intentions on paper has power.) For me, goal setting led to acknowledgement and reward — two things I couldn’t get enough of.
But this year is different.
After facing so much unpredictability in the past year, most people I talk to feel paralyzed about goal setting, myself included. All I know for sure is, we don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the next…
This has led me to feel anxiety around goal setting and conflicted about what it means.
How do you plan the future while working to stay in the present moment?
Being attached to a goal, and subsequently a single outcome, only leads to disappointment as we put pressure on our future selves. It anchors us to one result and when life gets messy, and we have to change course, we feel as though we’ve failed.
After all, are your goals really even yours?
Or a byproduct of someone else’s standard of success and their definition of what productivity and achievement look like? Goal setting can often align with others expectations of us, or arbitrary metrics our culture and society has determined for us. Even if you do achieve The Thing, or get the job, the promotion, etc., that isn’t what is going to bring you lasting joy and happiness.
After all, isn’t it about the feeling and not the doing?
Because I can’t do it all.
This is what came up for me immediately when my yoga teacher posed this question:
“What lesson are you tired of learning?”
I can’t do it all.
A life of list-making and subsequent disappointment is not the life I want to live.
I can’t be present when I’m worried about the future. The pressure of keeping up with arbitrary commitments day to day, week to week, month to month, leaves me anxious and stressed over and over again.
I thought about the question again… In other words, what do I keep doing and getting the same results? Doesn’t the infamous insanity quote go like this:
“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
So, I pose the same question to you:
What lesson are you tired of learning?
We have the freedom to be in the moment now, and it’s important we hold on to that even as the world returns to itself. I’m over the to-do lists and goal setting. In 2021 I want to focus on feeling, not doing.
Starting with connection.
The power of connection is a phenomenal thing.
It can be a significant contributor to our happiness and yield a feeling of belonging in our communities. I encourage you to get out of your comfort zone and expand your personal and professional bubbles by connecting with new people in whatever way you feel most comfortable. Surround yourself with like-minded people and those that lift you up.
Give yourself permission to step away from relationships that no longer serve you.
Know what’s motivating you to connect with others. For me, it’s finding like-minded people who support me. It’s building a network of inspiring and powerful people who leave me in awe of the hearts they have and the work they do. It’s finding potential clients for my Next Big Thing.
And while I’m a big fan of connecting one-on-one, there is a wonderful opportunity to connect with communities outside of the one you physically belong to.
With more of the world being online than ever before, take the time to find your guide, mentor, coach, or guru and let them lead you to your tribe.
Create boundaries.
This one is new to me and I’m still working to understand what it means for me, but I know that I’m a happier person when I take the time to slow down, reset, and connect with myself.
I’ve learned that sometimes doing nothing is everything.
Block time in your day for you. Whether you exercise, meditate, get outside, or just breathe, your mind and body will thank you for taking time to prioritize yourself over everything else.
Know your “why”.
If you are clear in your “why” and have an understanding of your values, the idea of goal setting will be easy to let go of.
Believe me when I say you’ll still have a job, you’ll still have clients, and you’ll still be you if you don’t set goals.
Let your values guide you in your decision making and revisit your “why” to stay aligned to your values.
Take self-care seriously.
Let this be your calling to discover what self-care means to you. And I don’t just mean bubble baths and at-home spa treatments, but discovering the wellness practice that keeps your energy and spirits high. My favourite include meditation, journaling, nourishing my body, respecting rest, and getting out in nature!
Be open to the unknown.
It is in our nature to have control. We are wired to work hard to stay comfortable.
We underestimate how much effort we put into staying the same.
Take a deep breath and try to embrace the unknown, the unpredictability, the fact that we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. Let yourself sit in your feelings, experience them, and know you are entitled to them.
In focusing on feeling over doing, it’s not about identifying a feeling and setting out to feel it (after all, that would be a goal, wouldn’t it?).
It’s about being true to who you are in the present moment so you can experience how you want to feel.
I want to feel fully expressed.
I want to feel free to be myself.
I want to feel unafraid that it’s going to be hard (we can do hard things, right Glennon Doyle??)
I want to feel heard.
I want to feel seen.
Let’s not set goals together this year and live a more flexible life free from expectations, and free to be ourselves.
