Leave me alone, I want to be successful
How you can be at your best when no one else is around.
For a long time I thought being alone was the worst possible situation to be in. My first experience living solo was not out of desire but necessity, and I hated every minute of it. It left me scared of solitude and led me to say yes to every opportunity to be around people All. The. Time.
It was no different when I headed on a work trip years later, without a guest, but safe knowing that I was with a group of people I could rely on for company and camaraderie.
On the first day of the trip, I headed out for some R&R time expecting to cross paths with someone along the way. I settled in for the day and got lost in whatever I was reading. At the sound of our group walking by, I found myself pulling my hat over my head, and sinking deep into the chair, in hopes I’d be camouflaged. Instead of jumping up at the chance to be in the company of others, I was going out of my way to remain unseen.
Much to my surprise, in the 24 hours since we had landed I had found comfort in my own company. For the duration of the trip I took every opportunity to spend time by myself and enjoy this new found space.
It was liberating.
With no one else around, I had room to breathe and to dream. I was alone with my thoughts and able to reflect without interruption. I had discovered something that I didn’t know I had been craving: being alone.
For a long time, I underestimated the power of solitude.
I made the mistake of assuming that being alone and being lonely were the same thing. I thought that the more people were involved in my life, the better decisions I would make and the more successful I would be. I believed that being a social person required me to be a people person, but as it turns out, it’s quite the opposite.
Over time, I have learned that I am at my best when I am by myself.
It doesn’t have to be scary or intimidating if you approach it in a way that serves you and your definition of success.
Start by cutting out the noise.
“When you’re doing what you love to do, you don’t get exhausted. You get exhausted from trying to fulfill everyone else’s idea and ideals about who you should be. When you do that, you’re not being true to yourself.” — Oprah, More Myself by Alicia Keys
When you are alone, you can eliminate the noise, the pressure, and external feedback loop that we spend much of our day listening to. Through our conversations and interactions, both in person and on social media, we are constantly being told what to do.
Think about it: When was the last time you scrolled through your phone and didn’t reconsider your goals, values, or lifestyle? How often you do you received unsolicited feedback from coworkers, friends, and family members?
At every turn there is an opportunity to hire a coach, enrol in a course, or read a book that is going have all of the answers.
The reality is, relying on others could be the very thing distracting you from staying on course to achieve your goals.
When no one else is around, not only do you have more time to get things done, you have more space to think, explore, and discover what you need to be successful.
It is critical to find time to be alone if you want to disconnect from the noise that is telling you what you should do and who you should be.
To be at your best, you have to be true to yourself.
What if I told you that you already have the answers to finding the success that you are seeking? It begins by eliminating the noise, followed by the willingness go inside and listen.
Listen for that resounding yes that tells you you are on the right path, and if it’s not there, start considering going another direction. When you can sit in your truth and trust yourself, you will be guided to your next step, your next idea, your answer. Not sure where to start?
Tap into your emotional intelligence by developing a daily practice.
You need to create space and an opportunity to connect to your emotional and intuitive knowing. Whether it’s journaling, meditation, yoga, or other spiritual or physical practices, regularly checking in with those quiet and subtle cues will better prepare you to make decisions. They will help you to access that feeling of knowing that is at your core.
In other words, trust your gut. In trusting yourself, you create space to be creative and productive.
Your personal space becomes a sanctuary: a safe place that leads to the answers and the success you are seeking.
When you aren’t waiting for input or permission from others, you are in charge of your destination and have the ability to move quickly to make things happen.
Once you take action, you are rewarded by knowing that you are enough.
But is that enough?
Does being alone still sound scary? If the idea of having only you and your thoughts in a room can be overwhelming, it could be time to reframe what alone time is for you.
Seek solitude as a form of self-care.
Having time to yourself can be an opportunity to reflect and recharge. Take a walk, run a bath, or find a way to connect with nature. If you struggle with solitude, take a deep breath and think of something positive. Try “Thinking for Pleasure” as coined by Tim Wilson, Ph.D.
Being alone is an opportunity to align your actions to your dreams and goals. Reflect on what energizes you, what excites you, and what inspires you. This will help you to understand and identify what is and isn’t serving you and your goals.
Don’t be afraid of what you might feel or think; feelings are just feelings, don’t give them power. The real power lies within you and your ability to manifest your success.
After all, the definition of success lies in the hands of the beholder.
You will achieve success if it is aligned to who you are and what you value.
If you have big plans, big dreams, and big ambitions, you’re going to have to ask everyone else to get out of the way.
